Friends

Since I was little I had problems making friends. I was a shy kid, poor self esteem and so many other issues. When I was a teenager I can resume my adolescence into 2 parts, the first one when I was introverted, chubby and victim of bullying and the second part after my exchange year when I grew up a lot, I felt pretty, very confident and VERY POPULAR. That means many many friends!! Before getting into college I started dating my actual boyfriend, I was still popular. And then College went downhill, first year was ok because I was adapting and I can say I had fun moments and then I started being really depressed, not many friends, far from my loved one, lots to do. And it went worse and worse. BUT 2008 I had a really big change in my life, a big deception made me realize that I was wasting my time, and then I started to have fun again, made friends and got close to older friends. It was a great year! 2009 wasn't different I was really happy, specially because I went to live abroada and again I made very many good friends. My life was really amazing, but again far from my boyfriend. So I had few depressing moments but also really good ones. And in 2010 I had to break my ties again with my dear friends, I became really chubby again and guess what I have no friends!!!! I'm near my bf, but it doesn't mean that I'm completely happy. He doesn't do anything fun, is never up to anything besides going out to eat, always having his friends around him. I guess he is happy, but I'm not! Poor self esteem AGAINN, chubby, no friends, shy to the world. It seems that my nightmares are comming back, maybe they turn around in circles and will always be back.
I need help but I cannot find where I can get it! and I feel like a looser big time! I just want this nightmare to go away. :(